We all are facing silent struggles that only our heart knows about. I felt like I was in a boxing ring the thoughts of my ex which were going round and round. Your mind is constantly ambushed with thoughts and battles which you are trying to put away and find peace. I was trying to clinging on to anything to find peace in any shape or form. I tried praying, mediating, going out, going to the gym, talking about it and even going on dates. In my case nothing seemed to make it go away. I wanted to scream to make it go away! (That didn’t help either)
However eventually praying gave me peace, but it was temp eventually the thoughts came back. The questions came back – why her? Why did he change? Why didn’t he tell me he was going to leave? Why did he keep telling me he loved me? If you love someone you do not treat them like shit? Why did he do what he did? Why??? I would do things to distract myself, but it felt like a living nightmare.Your pride doesn’t want to let the world know you dying inside. You will smile and laugh but inside you are so torn that it is unbearable. Sometimes you hang with your friends and all you really want is to be alone and write about what is going through your head. They say the same thing – ‘ he is not worth it! You deserve better…you are so much better than him’ but then the battle arises again. If I am so much better than him or his ex why he leave me for her? He said it was convenience I say you broke us for convenience wow! Clearly the ‘I love you’ didn’t mean anything if you can drop us like that. Everyone has an opinion on your issues, but you are the only one who can’t find peace. They will advise and give you suggestions. Yes they may want to help as they are your support, but are they really supporting you?
I am in room full of people and people who love me, but why do I feel lonely? The battle keeps getting stronger. I thought time was a healer? Why is the Lord giving me great days and then pulls me back down when he contacts me saying he misses me. I pray for strength and courage – the Lord blesses me but then something happens which makes me go back to square one. I ask ‘Lord when will the storm end, my friends are tired from hearing it.’ The time has passed which I am supposed to have grieve by – but why does it still feel like he only left me crying in the shower yesterday?
The consistency of having faith and realising this is a process - no quick fix. The Lord gave me strength and gave me power through the pain. Your life can be saved – even when you think no one can see the battle or hear your pain. The Lord is still walking by you and showering you with blessing. He will bless you by taking the wrong people out your path – eventually you will see It as a blessing. He has made you custom made, he knows this will not break you it will make you stronger.
Even when you stop loving yourself the Lord is still fighting for you. Those scars from depression, hatred, rejection, the last relationship and betrayal – they are going to symbols for the battle you survived. Through the Lord the emptiness you feel can be filled, I am speaking from experience. The Lord held my hand through the storm. Let me tell you before the storm I didn’t have faith, I didn’t understand it. The experience , the pain I didn’t know what to do. But small things in my path pointed me towards the Lord, is where I found peace. The only thing I could focus on, the only thing I didn’t not feel depressed about.
Silent Battles happens to the strongest people. The Lord is with you, walking with you and carrying you.
Power in Pray!
Lets get it - One Love.
British Asian Female- working in the Finance industry plus a MUA - wanted to share the journey I have been through. Comment or email me!!